Business-speak example of the day

Effective Immediately: Standard voicemail scripts for all ****** Professionals and ***** Managers
As part of *************** effort to continuously project “*******” to the market, standard voicemail scripts will be implemented for all employees engaged with external customers, both ********* and ********. By updating our voicemail scripts daily, it’s one small way we all help ensure that our customers feel that no matter who they speak to in *****, they’re speaking to the same company and someone who can promptly assist them.
Also, as the voicemail scripts state, we are setting the expectation with our customers that we will respond to all voicemail messages as soon as possible and within *******. That is an integral part of ******’s overall strategy of Customer ****** -- putting the customer at the center of everything we do.

Translation: "We don't trust you to make your own voicemail messages, so we've done it for you. Cheers."