Wednesday, June 22, 2005

You'll Just Have To Read This Yourself

I don't know if Jeff just needs more sleep or he is giving us a nice glimpse into writing talent. 'Prop might be the best qualified to answer that.


Blogger Inner Prop said...

I dunno about "short." In my book that means 1k words or less and this seemed longer. I didn't have time to read it tonight, but I do have one thing to say:

"The dead chickens know only one thing, it is better to be a live chicken." - Full Metal Chicken

11:39 PM  
Blogger Inner Prop said...

I was just joking. It is pretty short and it meets Poe's definition well. I was right, though, it is 2347 words.

I read through it twice. It is not my cup of tea so I probably looked at it more critically than I would have.

It was too chaotic to follow easily.

The tense of the verbs changed which annoyed me, but it may have been intentional since the present tense was used consistently for the house which presumably is still there.

I thought the local dialect was not done well. “I hear tellin’ he might go into politics,” just doesn’t work for instance.

The similes and metaphors were forced at times. The dead chicken is the most obvious, but some of the others were painful too. “The sky was blue and clear like the water in a fancy toilet.” Come on.

Overall I thought it was amateurish and needed work, or perhaps as Major John suggests, sleep.

7:13 AM  
Blogger Major John said...

Uh, for those that don't know Jeff - alot of that was deliberatley askance. His sense of humor can be as hard to follow as an Errol Flynn swordfight.

9:00 AM  
Blogger protein wisdom said...

Wow. Thanks for the feedback.

Guess the guy who published it is feeling pretty shitty right now.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Inner Prop said...

I had no intention of upsetting anyone.

There seemed to be lots of people who liked the story. I congratulate you on writing it, having the courage to publish it and on your ability to entertain your audience.

I don't know what got me off on such a very negative note. I think I was trying to be cheeky and came off mean. I should not have been so harsh and should have been more constructive in my comments.

They are of course my opinions only and are worth only what you want to take from them. If you don't feel they are accurate then please ignore them. Sometimes reviews are not helpful in the least and if they are not helpful then they are worse than useless, they can discourage. That is the last thing I wanted to do.

Again, if you don't agree with the comments please ignore them, but whatever you do don't let my comments discourage you from continuing.

4:37 PM  

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